No credit

Posted on February 1, 2013 by admin

In the US, we pretty much used our credit cards for everything. We used them for the obvious stuff, like grocery shopping and filling up the car with gas, but we also used them for incidental expenses — coffee at Starbucks or a fast food meal. It was rare that I had more than a few dollars in my wallet in actual cash. I used credit for everything and I generally assumed that my credit card would be accepted everywhere (and it was).

Moving to Vienna was a shock. By comparison, you pretty much can’t use a credit card anywhere here. You can’t use credit at a grocery store, the drug store, most cafes, many restaurants, bakeries, the doctor’s office, or even the hospital emergency room. You generally have to be prepared to pay with cash or debit card here, and many places don’t even accept debit. (Our new pediatrician takes our debit card, which was a lovely surprise after our previous one who only took cash. I think I forgot to get cash out for the appointment about 80% of the time.) Here, pretty much the only places that accept credit cards are the ones that cater most to tourists (like McDonald’s).

It’s just a different cultural norm and a different attitude towards money. People who live here are used to it. In some ways, it has actually been very nice. After getting over our initial frustration, stemming from never having enough cash on us and simply not being used to being limited to what was in our account at any moment, we’ve adjusted. We carry more cash, and we’ve gotten used to living within our means . . . because there isn’t any other option.

It’s been great doing that, and I’m grateful for the experience, because, living in the States, and having access to credit, I was never going to stop using it for EVERYTHING. It’s been good to be forced to change my attitudes about money a bit. Until, just over 2 weeks ago, when we had a moment of minor panic because we had almost no money in our account. Almost none. Very, very little. And over 2 weeks until pay day.

At first, we were freaked out. We were afraid the money had been lost, stolen, or billed incorrectly. Nope, it had just been poorly managed, by us. I’d been lax about checking the account and balancing the checkbook . . . for the past 3 months. Everything had been going along just fine prior to that, so I wasn’t overly worried about it. But then, Christmas happened, we took on a few new expenses, and my mental image of, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s all working out ok” was just wrong.

We basically had 2 weeks with no money. It was no fun. We ate a lot of leftovers and a lot of pasta. We didn’t buy anything we didn’t absolutely need, and we didn’t do anything that didn’t absolutely have to be done. We made it, but it was close. And there wasn’t anything we could do about it from a cash flow standpoint — we couldn’t buy our groceries on credit instead, or just eat dinner out at restaurants. We had to tighten everything up and make it work.

It’s all sorted out now. The budget has been adjusted and we’ll be fine from here on out. But, yikes. I really am generally glad for the practice we’ve gotten at living on what we have in our account, but I sure was missing my credit cards for the past few weeks.

Tom Tom vs. Garmin Nuvi

Posted on October 22, 2012 by admin

For each of our last two trips, we rented cars, and both times, we rented a GPS to take along. It added to the cost, but we were glad to have had them. It was less expensive than turning on data roaming every time we would have needed it, and having one provided a massive peace of mind when traveling as a family — we knew we wouldn’t get hopelessly lost, we knew we could always find a gas station or something to eat nearby. It was well worth the cost.

On our trip in Scotland, we used it to find a hotel when we were having to pull over every 20 minutes so B could be sick. We used it to find our way to interesting looking places, and to get us home again, when we decided to get lost on purpose. And it was super helpful in estimating how long a trip will take. Before we went, we had heard several cautionary tales about how long it took to get everywhere in England and Ireland and about how much it was going to mess up our plans to constantly underestimate travel times – we ended up having no trouble with that at all, even when we decided, on a whim, to turn off on the scenic route to Edinburgh, when we chose to skip one of our planned destinations in the Cotswolds, or when we had to detour due to a closed motorway driving from York to London.

On our UK/Ireland trip, we had a Tom Tom, and certain things about it drove me crazy – the touch screen wasn’t sensitive enough and it was hard to get the volume right (it was always waking the kids up). But, after our recent Austrian/German trip, I regretted every word I’d ever said against it. The Garmin Nuvi we had on this most recent trip was terrible for our purposes, and it really made me appreciate the Tom Tom.

With the Tom Tom, finding and using the features was pretty easy. The day/night setting was easy to find, zooming out and/or switching to an overview north/south geographic map view happened the way I thought it should and gave me the results I wanted. The verbal directions it gave were clear and well-timed. It warned us about speed cameras (which was kind of cool but not needed, since we were traveling on unfamiliar roads — and I’m also unsure about whether the Garmin would have provided the same information if we’d been using it in England). When it came time to take an exit, it would zoom in and also show us which lanes we could use to exit, or stay straight, as we needed — it was so helpful, and much safer, to know ahead of time how many lanes we had to move over BEFORE we actually had to do it.

By contrast, the Garmin was incredibly frustrating. The touch screen was more sensitive (which saved my fingers a bit) but every time I touched it, even accidentally, it would shut off our navigation to our desired destination, which was particularly uncool when I hadn’t realized I’d touched it. The German city and street name pronunciations were terrible – it was absolutely impossible to understand, since it was neither correct in German nor an American-English bastardization of the word. Rather, it used some kind of hybrid not quite German with poor pseudo-German pronunciation that left us laughing, but meant we couldn’t use the audio cues to help us find our streets or exits. (I don’t know whether the Tom Tom would have had the same issue because we used it in only English speaking countries.) Everything felt unintuitive. Figuring out how to switch in and out of night mode felt complicated each time, and I have to wonder if it didn’t have more features than I was able to discover.

Those were small frustrations, though. Of bigger concern was the fact that the display only showed the roads you were actually going to use, most of the time, rather than displaying an entire area map. That meant that we couldn’t see our other options as we went along, and I also couldn’t say helpful things like, “It’ll be the third left” because the only left it would show was the one you actually wanted to turn on. The voice commands were ill-timed (they came at the last minute, most of the time) and the image display updated slowly. We missed our turns, several times, because we thought our turn was still coming up as we were driving past it. Also, perhaps the most inconvenient, was the fact that you couldn’t see your map on a normal, geographic, north/south map. Most of the time, having directions relative to our direction of travel was fine, but in one case, there was some confusion about which Ingolstadt we were heading towards. Although we knew we wanted to go north of Munich, and looking at a map of Germany would have told us which one was located there, all we had to choose from were distances and relative direction from where we were. We ended up guessing and double-checking with the maps on our cell phones, but it was kind of silly that we couldn’t just look at a map and say, “Hey, there it is! That’s the one we want to go to.” In fact, we often couldn’t even zoom far enough out to see our destination on our directions, so we were left knowing nothing more than our next direction and the time or distance or direction of our destination. We managed, but it was frustrating.

They’re both better than Apple Maps, though. Every time we tried to use that, it took us on a route that was twice as long (or more) than it should have been (in one case, a trip that ended up taking 18 minutes was predicted to take over an hour with Apple Maps) and it kept warning us about tolls that didn’t exist. The times we needed to confirm the GPS directions, we actually pulled Google Maps up on our phone’s browser and used that instead. Other than being able to remind us that Germany is north of Austria, Apple Maps didn’t do us any good.

The struggle of body image

Posted on October 5, 2012 by admin

Like so many others, I struggle with loving my body despite its appearance. After having grown and fed two children, my body doesn’t look the way it used to. I’ve put on 20 lbs, my breasts are droopier and less full than they once were, my belly is soft, criss-crossed with stretch marks and permanently altered by the horizontal scar that allowed my oldest son to be born quickly and safely.

I strive to see all of these changes as miraculous. I want to be grateful for the ability to carry and nourish my precious children. I want to wear my years and my experiences proudly, with acceptance and self-love. I want to honor my priorities and my choices that have put time with my kids and enjoying my life over starvation diets and endless hours spent at the gym.

I try, and I struggle. I compare myself to others — both those that I know personally and those I see in the media. I beat myself up emotionally for lacking in physical perfection. I waste so much mental energy on figuring out how to be the mom that I am as well as the woman that I wish I was.

My internal negativity is reinforced by others. My body is not appreciated and revered as my wiser mind tells me it should be. I am seen as fat rather than fertile, lazy rather than loving, uninterested in my physical appearance rather than unwilling to compromise my values.

If my husband valiantly saved one of our children from a fire, or from an accident, and came away scarred, I would see those wounds each day and love him more fiercely for them. Each one would be a mark of his devotion as a father and a reminder of the awesome man that he is. It would not detract from his appearance, nor from his value, in my eyes. Rather, I would find him more attractive. And others would, upon knowing the story, respect and admire his loving sacrifice for the sake of his family.

So why aren’t we, as mothers, seen that same way? Why aren’t the ravages done to our bodies seen as battle scars incurred in the protection of and devotion to our children and our families?

UK highlights

Posted on September 21, 2012 by admin

I know I’ve already written a lot about our recent trip to the UK, but I love sharing what we learn when we travel (obviously), and I don’t find any information more useful when I’m planning a trip than the personal experiences and recommendations of people in similar situations who have been there before.

Generally, we had a great experience. Most of the hotels and bed & breakfasts we stayed in were clean, pleasant and helpfully staffed. We had plenty of nice meals with the kids, and nearly all of the most common tourist things we did were worthwhile — seeing Big Ben, watching the changing of the guard, visiting Edinburgh Castle. But four particular places stood out above the others. These destinations were outstanding, and are worth going out of your way to see, visit or stay.

The Lake District It’s a big area, and we didn’t nearly see it all. But, of everywhere we went in England, it was the place we enjoyed the most, and the scenery got more beautiful every time we made a turn or crested a ridge. It’s gorgeous, peaceful and has a lot to offer in terms of fun and relaxation. The kids loved it because they were able to have so much freedom. There were big yards to play in, paths to hike on, and lakes to splash in. There is a lot to do in terms of hiking and exploring, but with two little kids, our ability to explore on foot was somewhat limited. I would particularly recommend the “hiking by car” tour we got from “Rick Steves’ Great Britain” — it gives a great sense of the area while also giving a lot of flexibility. We stopped a few places and got out to explore, but we were never more than about 15-20 minutes walk from the car (which was especially helpful when the boys played in Lake Buttermere more enthusiastically than we expected — we had to pour the water out of their boots and wring out their socks when we got back to the car!). We spent 3 nights in the Newlands Valley, and it wasn’t long enough. When we go back to England, going back to the Lake District will be our highest priority.

Littletown Farm Guest House We stayed in a small guest house/B & B in the Newlands Valley. I cannot recommend it highly enough. The location is beautiful and quiet, the hosts are warm and accommodating, and the property itself is mentioned in one of Beatrix Potter’s stories. The room was comfortable, updated and very clean, and we had a great view. And it’s reasonably priced, for all that. (My previous favorite hotel, in Virginia, was similar in its feeling of comfort and beauty, but costs twice as much per night, even accounting for the exchange rate.) This place was great, and the hosts, Sarah and Rob, really made us feel welcome. They helped us find great places to eat, helped us find good, kid-friendly hiking trails, lent us an off-road stroller to use while we were there and helped us out (even offered a ride into town) when we got our flat tire. The breakfasts and tea times that we had there were tasty, too (the scones are fantastic). Everything was very fresh — we personally witnessed the leftover scones going to the chickens at the end of the day! The entire atmosphere was so comfortable and homey, and we found ourselves down in the lounge, socializing with all of the other guests in the evening — it was a great way to get to know our hosts and our fellow travellers. We’re going back — as soon as possible.

Alnwick Castle We had been to visit Edinburgh Castle the day before, and we almost skipped going to the Alnwick Castle. My main interest in it was the fact that some of the exterior scenes from the first two Harry Potter movies were filmed there, so once we saw the outside, I was pretty satisfied. Dan wanted to see the inside, though, so we bought tickets and went in, and I’m really glad we did. The castle is beautiful, and they make a real effort to make the experience interesting and fun. Benjamin and I took a broomstick flying lesson, and the boys learning about becoming a knight and worked on slaying a dragon. It was one of the most kid-friendly stops on our entire vacation, and well worth the stop and the price of admission.

Northern Ireland Ok, it’s a big place. And, like the Lake District, we didn’t see it all. But what we did see was truly fantastic. The wildness of the Irish Sea paired with the vivid green of the rolling farmland was stunningly beautiful. We only spent a day and a half in Northern Ireland, and I wish we’d had a week to explore — there was so much to see that we didn’t get to experience. Like the Lake District, it’s a “must see” for us on our next trip to the British Isles.

Biking Melk to Krems

Posted on June 16, 2012 by admin

When we first decided to move to Austria, we sat down and came up with a “wish list” of things to do while we were here. The very first thing to go on that list was a bike trip from Melk to Krems along the Donau. (It was something we picked up from watching Rick Steves before we came.) The trip is close to Vienna, and everything we read about it seemed great — easy, accessible, fun for the kids. We wanted to get to see some of Austria and get a little exercise along the way. Never mind that I haven’t been on a bike in about 14 years (as it turns out, it really does come right back to you) — the bike trip went on our list and it’s been a priority ever since.

It required good enough weather to give us a pretty narrow window of the year, and it required enough planning that we couldn’t just get up on a nice Saturday and go, so it kept getting put off.

Well, today, we fixed that. We rented bikes, took the hour and fifteen minute train ride to Melk and rode 40 km down the shores of the Danube until we arrived in Krems, where we climbed back on the train and rode the hour back to Vienna.

We had a good time. The area is stunning, in places. The river is wide, and the towns that dot the river are among the most picturesque I’ve ever seen, one after another, all beautiful. We saw castles, gorgeous church spires and cute little homes nestled together throughout the Wachau. The trail is, in most places,a dedicated bike route which is integrated into the landscape — we travelled past farms, through woods, along the river, and right through charming towns. One of our favorite things was seeing the private homes which had hung out a flag or a sign advertising an available room for rent. Truly, some of the views were the best I’ve seen since living in Europe. Each town we passed looked like a postcard or a painting.

Part of the town of Melk.

The town of Melk, where we started, is very pretty and its famous abbey is impressive and unique. We stopped in Melk for ice cream and coffee to help fuel our journey, and it was lovely. We stopped again, for dinner, just before Krems, and had a lovely meal which included many ingredients from farms we had ridden through or past. The last part of the trip included sections through vineyards, with views of the hills on one side and the late-afternoon sun on the river and the towns on the other. It was fun to be outside, and nice to travel under our own power . . . while not being limited to walking-with-a-stroller pace. The river provided cool breezes throughout the day, and we found at least one place (just as we were entering Aggstein) to rest and fill up our water bottles.

The kids had a great time (Benjamin was the most enthusiastic about the trip and the best attitude throughout the day — the rest of us had at least a few grouchy moments). The boys shared a double-wide children’s trailer connected to Dan’s bike, and they got along all day. They loved having the wind in their hair, and looking around at different sights and landmarks. It was fun.

But, it wasn’t really what I expected, and it wasn’t as amazingly wonderful as I was kind of expecting. 40 km is LONG. It was not the “entirely downhill” route I had read about (although it was, by far, mostly downhill or nearly flat most of the way). There were a few significantly brutal hills (one wich, near Schonbuhel, actually required that I get off and walk my bike to the top). Some sections of the trail were very buggy (probably not an issue during other times of the year) and parts of the trail were alongside very busy roads — some of which had traffic that moved at a high rate of speed. The trail wasn’t particularly wide, so the proximity of the fast cars made me uncomfortable, especially with the double-wide trailer, and most particularly when another cyclist was passing us. Some of the trail was actually *on* quiet neighborhood streets — which wasn’t awful, but not what I expected.

Today was hot (hotter than the low-to-mid eighties that were forecast), and long sections of the trail (sections between Aggsbach and Spitz, for example) had almost no shade. Those parts were hard because the kids got hot and cranky, and there was nothing we could do to relieve the situation.

Our stop for dinner was tasty, but with typical Austrian service (slow) it contributed to us just barely making the very last train back to Vienna. Overall, the trip took longer than I expected – we left the house just after 9 this morning, and didn’t return until after 10 at night. The ride itself was over 4 hours, plus a 2 hour stop for dinner, a stop for coffee, almost 3 hours to pick up the bikes and get them to the train station, an hour (plus) up, an hour back … not sure where the other time went (the bikes haven’t even been returned yet — that’ll be tomorrow). The kids had to be really patient — a lot of sitting still and being passive — on the train, on the bikes, at the meals. That’s not easy when you’re 1 and 3.

My sweet guys — we were still in Vienna!

Overall, though, the single hardest part of the trip was getting the bikes from Vienna to Melk. Getting through Vienna (from the rental place to the train station) was harrowing in parts and then fitting the double trailer on the train was difficult (we managed, though). The bikes, although relatively comfortable to ride, are big and heavy, and hard to maneuver on and off the train. It’s not fun to wrestle them (especially when also trying to wrestle children).

We had a good time. But, I don’t think I’d recommend this trip to someone else in our situation. With older kids, I think it would be fun (if they had their own bikes) but then you’d have added stress, especially along the highway-adjacent portions. For just adults, it’s a fantastic trip, but it was only the fact that my kids get along fantastically and are generally patient that the trip went as well as it did.

That said, if I did this trip (or another like it) again, I’d do some things differently. I’d bring more water. I’d rent bikes in Melk (or wherever we were starting from) and either return them to the same place or arrange to have them picked up. It would have cut hours off the trip and started us off fresh and excited instead of frazzled and worn. Instead of renting a double trailer, I’d rent one single trailer and a child seat for the back of the bike. That way, each child would have his own space, and they could switch seats periodically to change things up and give them a new view. Plus, they’d get good time in with both parents (as it was, I only talked to the boys when we stopped — which was pretty often — or when we ate). I’d do a shorter trip — I’d pick out the most beautiful section of the Wachau, bike that section, then hop on the train when I was tired. We didn’t do that because we hadn’t done the reasearch to know what options made sense. 40 km is a lot longer than I thought it was — 25 would have been less grueling.

We really did enjoy ourselves, but it isn’t on the list of things we MUST do again, nor is it on the list of things I suggest for others travelling with their kids. I’m surprised, because I’ve heard and read such great things about this trip (even from people with little kids). And, since it SEEMS like such a good idea (see beautiful Austria, at your own pace, and it’s downhill!) I really wanted it to be great.

It was great, but it was more the company that the adventure.

One mom to another

Posted on May 9, 2012 by admin

Dear moms of the world,

I know you’re like me. We love our children. You had a change-the-world moment when you looked into the face of your baby for the first time and you become anchored to that tiny soul. The world suddenly revolved around that little person in your arms, and you would do anything to protect them. The love you feel for your child is awesome and deep and amazingly strong. You love that baby fiercely, and you are a force of nature that would do anything for that child . . . and then, at some point, you realized that every other mother has had that moment with her baby, too. The world is a different place after that.

We love our babies. We promise them that we will protect them, take care of them, love them, cherish them and move mountains if we have to. We would die for them. (And that isn’t hyperbole. We really would.) We want them to be happy, to feel good about themselves, and to be adored. I will love my children completely, forever. I hope that one day, my boys find someone who cherishes them as much as I do (it won’t happen, but I hope they get close).

Like all moms, I also fear for my children’s future. I worry that they’ll grow up to be unhappy, insecure, unsatisfied, demoralized, ill, hopeless or lonely. I worry that somewhere between now and adulthood they’ll stop feeling loved, or safe, or special. It’s a concern that sometimes keeps me up at night.

If you could show me the future, and it showed that my children will be happy, healthy, fulfilled, loved, enthusiastic, peaceful and safe, I would walk around in a state of constant bliss. THAT is what I want for my kids. I know you want that for your children, too — we all do. It’s a mom thing.

Now imagine, for a minute, that your child grows up to be gay. (Maybe you think that can’t happen. Maybe you think it’s one of the worst things that could happen. But, humor me. Imagine it.) Imagine that your child is also happy, confident, healthy and satisfied with their life. And that they are loved. They are the center of someone’s world. There is a person, who they adore, who looks at them almost the way that you do — someone who sees how marvelous, charming, intelligent, sweet, kind and amazing they are. This person is the light of your child’s life. And they want to be together, and be a family.

Can you see it? (Does it make you a little sad? It’s ok for the idea to be shocking to you. You can work on that part later.) But if you can REALLY imagine it, what do you want to happen next? Do you want your wonderful, joyful, loved child to be able to happily build a life with this person who thinks they’re the greatest thing in the world? Or do you want them to face ostracism, bigotry and legal invalidation?

You’re a mom. You want joy for your baby. Of course you do. It might be hard to accept, if you’ve always been taught something else, but deep in your heart, you know that you want your child to be happy, loved, cherished and safe. You don’t ever have to explain it to anyone. You don’t even have to acknowledge that you know what’s right. But when you vote, vote for the right thing. Otherwise, you’re letting your child down. You’re undermining those quiet, cuddling, baby promises you made.

They won’t remember it anyway

Posted on May 8, 2012 by admin

Something we’ve heard a fair bit since we started this adventure is, “There’s no point in travelling when your kids are this young. It’s too much work, and they won’t remember it anyway.” It’s come in slightly different forms, from friends, from family, from strangers. Most recently, we got this advice from an older American man we met as he waited for his wife outside of the Starbucks in Versailles.

I don’t entirely understand why people say that to us. I understood it a little when it was said BEFORE we packed up our family and moved to Austria, but when you’re standing with two kids in a stroller and an Ergo in front of a Starbucks in France, the ship has kind of sailed on that opinion being useful advice.

It may even be true that they won’t remember much of our travels, but it completely misses the point. Saying, “Don’t travel, the kids won’t remember it yet” is like saying, “We don’t have our camera with us, we might as well sit at home and stare at the walls”. Is the point of traveling . . . of doing anything, really . . . just to have a perfectly formed, indelible memory of the event? Sure, memories are nice, like perfect pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower are nice, but you don’t GO to France to take the picture. (At least, I hope not.)

The point is to have the experience. Not solely because of the memories it creates, but because of what it does to us. The idea is not to passively observe these things we see when we’re travelling, but to experience them and allow them to change us. We see, we learn, we try, and then we fail or succeed. It expands our perspective and alters our perception. We travel because it teaches us about the way things are done elsewhere. We learn how things we’ve taken for granted aren’t assumed other places. We learn about things that are tolerated, embraced, accepted or unheard of in a way that is completely different from the way that we think. We learn that we’re capable of more than we thought. We learn how to face adversity with flexibility and joy. We learn all of these things, too, about our travel companions (in my case, I learn about my family, which is a pretty big deal). Most importantly, we spend the time together.

Whether or not my kids take a single concrete memory from our time in Europe is irrelevant. The knowledge of where they’ve been and what they’ve done will change their perception of who they are and how they fit into the world. It will frame their ideas of what they are capable of. It will inform their notions of what family life is like. Benjamin is more confident than he would have been without our adventures. He travels happily at 3 years old — climbing into his window seat on the plane and buckling his seatbelt. He knows to watch for the seatbelt fastened sign to be turned off because he knows I’ll let him get up on his knees and look out the window. He reads the signs to navigate in some of Vienna’s busiest train stations — a skill that translated to Paris. He knows he is capable of doing things I was nervous about doing when I was an adult. Liam will never know a time where he hasn’t been a citizen of the world. He’s eaten in very fancy French restaurants (in France) and took his first steps on a different continent than where he was born. I believe that my boys will fear less, try more and take fewer things for granted. They will carry these ideas with them FOREVER, even if they have no recollection of visiting the Arc de Triomphe or sledding in Innsbruck.

And, it has changed me. I know now that I can do more than I thought I could, and I can handle it more gracefully. I’ve learned to let go of a lot, and I have clarified my priorities. I take myself less seriously, and I hope I approach life a little more kindly. I’m more pleasant to be around (most of the time) and our home is more peaceful. I am happier, more relaxed and more flexible.

So, is whether or not the kids remember the fountains of Versailles really relevant? It’s not where you go — how you get there’s the worthier part. And, of course, who you are when you arrive.

My to do list

Posted on April 20, 2012 by admin

I woke up grumpy today. Maybe it was the stress of dealing with my passport renewal this week, maybe it was the fact that Dan was taking a class this week that necessitated upending our usual daily routine around here, maybe it’s the fact that I woke up with a stiff neck yesterday (a relic of a whiplash injury from a car accident years ago) and dealing with pain for over 24 hours was grating. Maybe I was just grumpy, and there wasn’t a particular reason.

Regardless, I was not having a good day. By the time Dan & Benjamin left for work and school this morning, I didn’t feel like doing anything, I was irritable and exhausted (and that was just after 8:00).

I got started on my to do list for today: cleaning, straightening, sweeping. The rest of the list (laundry, exercising, trimming Liam’s nails and other assorted errands) just made me more irritated every time I looked at it. The state of my house was stressing me out but the thought of doing anything about it was overwhelming.

I used to have days like this all the time, but they aren’t common anymore. I know the pattern, though — as the day goes on, whether or not I accomplish anything — I get more irritable, and, inevitably, my kids end up suffering for it. Sometimes I’m just grumpy all day (not fun for anyone), sometimes I end up growling at them over some minor infraction, sometimes I lose it a little and either break down in tears or scream in frustration. No matter what, it’s not good. I knew I needed something to get me off of that track and on to another one, but I didn’t know what to do — I’ve never really been successful before at rerouting my energy once I’ve started off in a funk.

I couldn’t think of anything that would make me feel better. More coffee? Chocolate? A walk in the park? None of it seemed appealing, and I didn’t think any of it was going to improve my mood (actually, the walk probably would have, but the stress of getting Liam & I ready, going to the park, and insuring I was back in time to pick Benjamin up from school negated the allure). I noticed, though, that every time I walked past my kitchen dry erase board (home to my daily to do list) I got grouchier.

I’m not sure if the list was the cause of my bad mood, or just exacerbating it, but I realized that the consequences of failing to do every single thing on the list would only be a busier weekend, while the consequences of trying to accomplish all of it might be losing my temper with my kids. One day of incomplete chores is irritating, maybe frustrating, and potentially inconvenient. One day of crying hysterically or snapping at my kids is immeasurably worse.

So, I erased the entire list and replaced it with a new one.

To anyone who isn’t a list person, this probably sounds silly, but for me, this was novel and incredibly difficult. I live by my list. It guides my schedule and actions throughout the day, and I get an unreasonable amount of satisfaction out of checking things off of it. Completely abandoning it, conceding that each one of those things would go undone and accepting that putting all of it off will probably make tomorrow harder are all against my nature. But none of those things matter in comparison to keeping myself in a good place, because being in a good place allows me to be a better mom.

It wasn’t a perfect day. I snarled at Liam twice — once when he pulled the drawer out of my nightstand and then started chucking stuff under the bed as I was scrambling to collect it all, and then once when he started “helping” (with very yucky results) during a diaper change. But really, it was a pretty good day. And I know it was better than it would have been if I’d spent my meager energy on laundry and paying bills. Much better. And the bills and laundry will wait until tomorrow.